You are actually a really annoying person to keep company with. I'm just not able to keep up with you, no matter how hard I try. Your demands and standards are high and lofty and unattainable for any sane human being. Life is not enjoyable with you around. So, I'd like to thank you for trying to help improve things, like life and relationships. I can no longer let you stop me from doing the things I really want to do. In order to go all the way in - it is going to be hard and messy and not always safe. Thanks for wanting me to be the best and do the best, but thats not how I want to live - if it means never stepping out, never risking, always calculating. Always weighing pro's and con's, forever stuck in fear of failure.
Vulnerability and Truth and Courage are never tidy, but they are needed to live a life that is truly life. Now you can go, perfection. I won't be needing your guidance. You are too pushy and high maintenance and mean and I'm tired. Tired of the anxiety, tired of the constant looking over my shoulder. You and I are done. It's scary but I have a new friend, her name is Risk. She's dangerous and messy and a lot of fun. She helps me let loose, encourages me to sing loudly, to dance wildly and to live more courageously. Perfection you're so put together and incredibly elegant - but you're boring and flat and you don't make me feel things. You don't invite me to dance, you just criticise my attempts or keep me from making any.
I want to dance, wildly and awkwardly and beautifully - I don't care how it looks, I care how it feels. To be alive and risking for love and abundance. I'm messy, I'm human and I make mistakes. I want to make a few more if it means going after what i really want, what I really feel. Thanks for trying to make me whole, but I've learnt the freeing yet hard truth: I'm whole without you. I repeat: I am whole without you. Sure, you are often what people want and expect. But you're not what I want. You're not what i need. I want risk. I want love. I want Love to risk for me. I love beautiful things but that doesn't mean perfect. And often beautiful means imperfect and messy but fully alive and fully present. I have wanted to do and try so many things and you've stopped me, telling me I'd look like a fool. And sure I may look like one, but I at least want to try dance, it will probably be awkward but I have a feeling it will feel like freedom.
Life isn't about measurements and rulers and carefully trying to plot out the whole story. It is about letting my body and heart feel something and going with it. I've befriended trust. And learned that includes me. I have great instincts. I am worthy of trying and failing and succeeding and dancing.
I want to be open, wide open to the wonderful possibilities of going after that which sets my soul on fire. I want to be two feet in, to learn to let go of the strong hold of the ground and soar up into the clouds. Where things aren't often certain, where you can't measure how well you are doing - you simply just be and that is enough. I am enough, enough all to myself. I don't need you. You are not the standard my heart has set. Sun has set, chapter has closed. Thanks, but no thanks.