I used to cringe when hearing people talk about things like self-love, or putting your oxygen mask on first, and then help others. We are taught and shown you have to put others above yourself, you give and give and the last few scraps are left for yourself.
Still learning and growing.
But the more I lean into loving myself, eliminating negative self talk and truly being kind to myself. I have so much more to give of myself to others.
Its often thought of as selfish to think of yourself, to say no sometimes, to disappoint people. It is all shame talking.
We can not be all things for all people.
I had no boundaries up until these last few years. (Still not a pro.) I gave and gave and gave and expected others to do the same in return. It often left me resentful and broken.
A lot of it had to do with self-confidence. I thought that if I couldn't help or give or do for others all the time - they wouldn't love me, they wouldn't want to still be friends. And a few times, friendships did fall through the cracks a bit because they were one-sided, unhealthy even. I was looking for worth in others approval, in their thoughts of me.
I'm not advocating narcissism, nor suggesting we become self-absorbed. There is so much room and love and happiness in helping, giving and holding space for others.
It is also good and beautiful to do the same for ourselves. To set boundaries, to say no sometimes, to say yes other times. Go for a walk, unfollow a few people who make you feel less about yourself, read a book, hug your dog, have a nap, do yoga, play playstation, eat a delicious meal.
You, my friend are worth caring for.