I often neatly wrap my words up into perfectly, curated bundles before I hand them to you. I cater and tailor them just for your hands to grasp them, for out of your mouth the Oooh's and Aaah's - at my life. There comes a point where this is dangerous. This is when I try and judge the situation and do everything I can to make sure that all is in place, shiny and sparkling before I give it to you.
Life is not neat, its not tidy. Often our stories, feelings and perspectives are flawed. They have pieces missing and scratches here and there. They are imperfect - because you are not perfect. (And side-note: no-one asked you to be.)
You are already worthy - you do not have to twist your words to fit the situation, to just emphasise this, or to tweak that to sound like you have it together. Trembling under your breath, telling yourself again and again "It's under control...I'm fine." with some "Don't worry about it - I got it." Only to later be in the shower, beating yourself up for not having it together and also wondering why you re-packaged your story yet again.
Living in relationships with others is messy. It is up to you, up to me, up to us to tell the imperfect, messy truth. Not to air out all our dirty, tired, broken pieces that we haven't yet sifted through and looked at. But rather to offer up a piece of ourselves simply trying to say "I'm doing what I can, but I'm not perfect - I am not everything you want me to be".
Honesty is hard - yes. But it will bind us up, broken pieces and all. We all need to take a breath or two. Be honest. Be true to your stories. You don't long to be impressive, you long to be loved. And you can only be loved as much as you're known.
And being known for all the shiny stuff - that isn't true belonging.
Thats where the difficulty is in our culture, it is so much about being impressive but not about being known. On many occasions I have been envious of friends, of people on the internet and what they're accomplishing and where they're traveling to - only later to have one of them fall into my arms feeling alone and not cared for or to hear about a hard, hard time in a well-known person's life.
Here's a piece of my heart friend, I went to New Zealand for a year last year. And I've found myself bringing it up whenever I felt I needed to sound a bit more impressive and it always works. I loved New Zealand, it was an incredible experience. However what I didn't add was the part about the buckets of tears I cried and the uncertainties I went through that my people prayed, thought of and stayed on the phone with me through.
You do not need to go tell everyone - everything.
Find your people, your safe group, those that you can call anytime night or day and let them sift through the broken pieces with you.
The next time you see someone on Instagram or in person and it looks like they have the perfect everything and neatly wrapped up bundles of "I've got this" - just know that that's not the whole story.